Dean and Ying's Blog

To my dear wife...

2010-02-28T21:41:50.562-06:00

Dear Ying,

Ok, so I can't sing very well. But that didn't keep me from trying :)

So this is what happened... one day while at work, I was listening to a CD I happened to have at my desk. It was a Vivian Hsu CD I bought a long time ago. Then track 8 comes up; it's "I Miss You" and for some reason, I could actually catch 90% of the lyrics! And hearing that song for the first time again, this time, understanding what the song was about, I got all emotional about it. Here I am sitting in my cubicle hoping no one happens to stroll by to talk to me. Maybe it's because I had (my self-diagnosed) teflon flu that day or something. I dunno. But that really made me think of you and miss you. So here we are, a week and half later, I have something to show you. Hope you like it, even though my singing is ... pretty lame :)

Love you!!! -Your NT1

歲月如梭

2010-01-31T03:33:24.265-06:00

這位小姐從這樣...

變成這樣....

真是不可思議的一年.

La Mer ... Lamer?

2010-01-08T00:26:38.187-06:00

Last Sunday, I ran into an old friend. Hadn't seen her in a few years.

She said I got old! So when I got home that day I looked in the mirror and realized I hadn't shaven all weekend. Yeah, that must have been it.... Wait, what are these lines under my eyes? Dirt? No, maybe it's the light ... Waitnoooo those are wrinkles! Sonofa...! So tonight I asked Ying to apply some of her fancy face product to my wrinkles. The geek in me reads this product's name as "Lamer" ... What the? Who? Me?

Sigh... :)

再不更新就要"生菇"了

2009-12-30T01:05:40.703125-06:00

什麼東西這麼好看????

啊?!被媽媽發現了.趕快傻笑裝沒事.

是粉圓,是她叫我看的.

Dean in 3D

2009-12-23T11:22:55.046-06:00

I'm in THREE DEE!!!

Proud of Ying

2009-10-03T01:06:48.312-05:00

Man I'm so proud of Ying.... she knows what a walkthrough is and has searched and used them on three occasions: My Sims, My Sims Kingdom and recently, Animal Crossing City Folk. Today, we bought Animal Crossing for real (we mostly rent games). And while in the car on the way home, she was reading the back of the cover like a kid. So awesome! She's fishing right now. (in the game). Nice.

The HP Cardboard Housing Project

2009-09-25T02:23:24.187-05:00

Bonnie is either really lucky or really UNLucky to have a dad that just bought a new HP all-in-one printer.... Tonight we bring to you, the deanying parade of homes cardboard housing project spotlight!!!

Here we see the front entry way to Bonnie's new home:

Here, on the left side of the house, we discover Roman inspired archways for a classical, timeless, not-all-that-cheaply-made elegance only an infant can truly appreciate:

Our "Light and Bright" floorplan features whimsical skylighting and an entire wall of shuttered windows. Desireable end-unit with easy access to living room and mom.

Finishing off our parade of homes spotlight, we are treated to views of a custom designed wrap-around window inset into our sweeping 2 ft. vaulted ceilings. A secret back exit adds that extra safety element for quick escape in any emergency.

Beds: 0
Baths: 0
Sq Ft: 4
Lot Size: -
Stories: 1
View: Living room
Year Built: 2009
Association Dues: $0
County: Orange
MLS#:1234567
Days On Market: 0
Last Sale: $0
Asking Price: FREEEEEE!

一支小雨傘

2009-08-31T03:34:45.96875-05:00

這位爸爸,你的小傘是在遮你自己還是你女兒?!虧她還這麼認真自己拿傘,豈不是白拿了.....

父女

2009-08-30T02:11:22.593-05:00

這是七個月的粉圓

這是七個月的老爺

然後,一起睡午覺可以睡成這樣......

粉圓逛超市

2009-08-23T23:56:48.937-05:00

媽媽,這顆白菜會不會太大了一點.......

這張照片讓我想起幾年前有位女星拍寫真集,其中一張很有名的照片好像是她全身脫光抱著一隻小豹還是小狗之類的,重要的三點就這樣很巧妙地被遮了起來.那粉圓如果用這顆白菜來依樣畫葫蘆的話.......哇哈哈哈哈哈!!!!!!

test image attachment

2009-08-06T11:08:51-05:00

Testing the email to blog post functionality. Seems like it's not picking up iphone image attachments! :(

P.S. - this is my new wallpaper. Inside joke.

block.jpg

Treats from Taiwan!

2009-08-06T11:02:14-05:00

Ying's cousin and her husband brought these supercute and awesome tasty chocolate covered fruit snacks. Check out the wrapping. Kawaii!!

真有這麼難嗎?

2009-08-03T17:02:01.062-05:00

最近本人忙著與粉圓小姐不停地奮戰中.....

小姐拼命想扶著東西站起來,奴才我拼命不想讓她扶到東西站起來,偏偏家裡家具很多,空間又很小,稍不留意,粉圓小姐就伺機而動,於是...老娘的日子就在搞這種"偷站與不給站"的心機中度過,真是有點鬼打牆啊...

po張飆車的照片讓大家開心點!

同場加映,粉圓古椎的樣子

Bonnie crawling to her toy!

2009-07-05T01:09:04.984-05:00

Bonnie makes her way to her toy :)

> > >

Date Countdown

2009-06-29T00:02:47.562-05:00

Haven't you ever wanted to know how many days there are until some date? A computer can do it easily, but it takes some effort to do it yourself. Well now you don't have to! I discovered that http://www.datecountdown.com was available. So I got it and put some datediff code on that .com .. You can even embed it into your own web pages! See?

Morning Drive Music

2009-06-25T10:49:50-05:00

I was listening to this on the way to work this morning :)

I cooked! All by myself!

2009-06-24T22:30:51.562-05:00

Ok, so I've been on my own for the past month or so. (Ying and Bonnie come back on July 1st. Yay!) Anyway, I've been able to eat pretty well. Quick is the key. But I didn't want to eat a frozen lean cuisine every night so I had no choice but to learn to make some edible stuff .... Here's what I made tonight:

Yay! Yam Leaves and dumplings. You can't get more Asian than that. Ok, so I need to work on the presentation part. But it sure tasted good!

I said quick was the key. Those were frozen dumplings from Ranch 99. While the dumplings were boiling, I cooked the veggies. They were ready at the same time. Total time in kitchen was under 20 minutes. Not bad eh?

And a few weeks ago I made steak:

I followed this tip on salting the steak, covering it all over with a thick layer of salt and letting it sit for 15 minutes. Then I washed off the salt and pan fried it. Turned out just right! I've had steak this way at least once a week for the past few weeks.

So yeah, I'm starting to get the hang of this cooking thing. Even so, I'm glad that Ying will be back in a week :)

How I Mount My iPhone, not on the windshield

2009-06-14T12:22:29.968-05:00

Ying's outta town, so all you readers that like reading her posts are just outta luck! Too bad!

Next up in our dorky, nerdy, Dean posting series is a video on how I mount my iPhone in the car so I can listen to music/podcasts, use the GPS functionality, check email, sent txt msgs, and watch movies while driving down the freeway on the way to work.

Umm. Ok, so music and GPS stuff is true. Everything else is very, very, VERY, sparingly used if used at all. It's dangerous to use anything on the iPhone that takes more than a split second of focus. On the way to work, any time I see a car driving slower than the flow of traffic, drifting inside their lane, or braking for no apparent reason, I guarantee you, that person is either putting on make up or typing something on their phone. So don't do it! Just drive, dang it. </rant>

Oh, before I get to the post. I notice that women who don't pay attention while driving are the drifters and brakers, while men seem to be more prone to driving slower than the flow of traffic (in the fast lane usually). </scientific observation>

Aaaaaannd, now; The moment you've all been waiting for, the video of me being a nerd!!!!eleven!1

> > >

Trashroom Treasure - Old Lamp Part 2: It's fixed!

2009-05-26T01:56:59.734-05:00

So in part 1, I brought home a sad little lamp from our trashroom.

This is the post where this sad little lamp is sad no more! Now it's a graceful fancypants lamp!

I went to IKEA and picked up the parts: $4.99 for a GRUNDTON (table lamp kit) and $8.99 for two SPARSAM flourescent bulbs. I'm only going to count this fix as costing $4.99+$4.50=$9.50 because I only use one of the bulbs. We have another IKEA lamp that takes this size bulb so the extra will just be a household spare.

Anyway, I happened to be meeting someone to sell some old laptop RAM for $10 today. So today's net dollar spend is zero!

On to the pictures!

Make sure the lamp isn't DOA before I get my grubby mitts on it...

It took almost 2 hours to get to this far... the grundton wire was thicker than the original and it was really tough getting it through the neck. Oh! And I took a break to get my 10 bucks....

Me and electricity understand each other perfectly. I remain scared of it, and I remain alive. If I really did mess up the wire while pushing and pulling through the lamp neck... I was wondering if those rubber tipped stanleys would really insulate me from 1.21 jiggawatts of instant teeth clenching....?

And now some glamour shots! Old Lamp, this is YOUR time to SHINE!!!!!1

"Why's that sticker there," you ask? Well, it's because.... Old Lamp is sitting on top of DialupPC's case! DialupPC is now our Windows Home Server (simply the awesomest backup/fileshare OS. Ever.)

That's all, folks!

-Dean :)

Trashroom Treasure - Old Lamp

2009-05-25T23:37:53.218-05:00

I really need to stop bringing stuff home...

With Ying and Bonnie out of town, there's just no stopping me!

I found this today. It looked kind of sad in the trashroom. And I felt bad thinking that it might end up at the dump. The cord is frayed and it's all tarnished. The light part is easy... just go to ikea and get a little light set for a few bucks.

But the metal part of the lamp... is it brass? How do I polish this up?

Does anyone know?

Read Part 2 - Old Lamp is fixed!

Trashroom Treasure - Mini Tripod!

2009-05-20T02:20:20.343-05:00

I just took out the trash and what do I find in our beloved trashroom? A couple of old empty digital camera boxes with manuals and other misc things. Sorry no cameras (I wish!). But there were some things among the instruction manuals and bubble wrap that caught my eye...

Woohoo!!! Scored again. Ok, not as great as the TV I scored last month, but still! Man I love our trashroom.

Here's a picture of if unwrapped. Yes, it was brand new. I haven't bothered opening the universal screen protector package yet. I don't think I'll have a use for that... I'll probably just bring it to the office and put it in my junk drawer.

Until next time... :)

表情多變的粉圓

2009-05-10T15:40:58.984375-05:00

諧星就是這樣造就出來的!真的沒有枉費她爹娘的一番苦心啊...

http://picasaweb.google.com/deanying/20090421BonnieFacialExpressions?authkey=Gv1sRgCInnurKp69STSw&feat=directlink#

粉圓小姐如果能變成女版豬哥亮,相信大家也覺得與有榮焉吧.

先用這個表情練習一下......"冷涼卡好"咧.........

一個人的天份

2009-05-05T14:28:01.375-05:00

週末老爺與我和粉圓造訪海邊,逛著逛著,看到有人在碼頭旁的餐廳牆上畫壁畫,沒有照片沒有風景,全憑那人腦袋裡的想像,顏色有深有淺有暗有明,真的是很厲害.

老爺與我讚嘆之餘,也討論起關於"天份"這東西......

老爺:每個人多少都有某方面的天份,像我就覺得會畫畫的人真的好厲害,你看剛剛那個人,你畫得出那樣的東西嗎?

老娘:當然不可能啊!是啊!有人就是很厲害修機械的東西,有人很會認路,有人對音樂很敏銳,有人對繪畫在行..還有好多.

老爺:我也覺得我一點都沒有畫畫方面的天份.

老娘:ㄟ.....那你看得出來我們粉圓小姐將來長大會有什麼天份嗎?

老爺:(靜思了三秒鐘,然後緩緩說出)嗯,我覺得她的天份應該是...................................................

............................................................................................

說笑話............!

老娘:........................................(冏好大.這種天份是像誰????)

還沒到夏天的海邊

2009-05-03T02:31:27.781-05:00

劉粉圓小姐,你可以再像妳爸一點沒關係.....

我跟老爺抱怨說,因為他女兒跟他太相似的關係,害得我身心俱疲.為什麼捏?

平常白天老爺明明去上班了,只有我跟粉圓在家,可是因為長的太像她老爹,讓我老是有老爺還在家裡的錯覺.

晚上,明明粉圓已經上床睡覺去,因為長的太像,老爺在旁邊上網時,我總覺得粉圓也還在.....

好累啊....這兩個父女的臉龐很像背後靈,到哪裡都散不去....

Bonnie 3.5 Months Laughing

2009-04-18T22:08:11.109-05:00

Bonnie 3.5 Months making baby noises

2009-04-09T20:53:39.25-05:00

Bonnie making lots of noise!

絕技

2009-03-23T11:33:08.75-05:00

從小就加強抓握的菁英訓練,培養長大後進馬戲團表演吊環的潛力,要不然至少站在公車或捷運上補眠應該不成問題.

沒有牙齒的美女

2009-03-23T02:36:37.21875-05:00

這麼喜感的照片,不拿出來分享給大家實在太說不過去了.由這張照片我們可以知道,有沒有牙齒很重要啊!

好啦!諧星也是有美的一面

手上的小熊癡情的望著粉圓.帽子上的維尼熊姿勢很好笑,像是試著在遮他的第三點....(跟下面那張照片裡的老爺一樣)

請對照老爺與粉圓帽子的維尼熊

垃圾間的寶藏

2009-03-17T02:42:52.203-05:00

老爺這次又從垃圾間撿了啥回家?

答案是26吋平面液晶電視.你沒有看錯,是真的.那天他倒完垃圾回家的時候,很神秘的說,你看我撿了什麼,我正眼都沒有瞧,正準備開唸時,眼角一瞄....液晶電視??? 液晶電視!!!!!! 有沒有搞錯?!是誰說美國景氣不好的?!一整個傻眼.

我鐵口直斷,這電視一定是壞的,而且壞到一碰就會散開,一插電就會爆炸的地步,要不然就是一個空殼子來虛晃老爺這種喜歡拾荒的個性.(我的腦海中不停的閃過新聞畫面....房子裡一整間的垃圾,鄰居向環保局告發太臭了..)

我猜對也猜錯了,電視當然是壞掉的,可是竟然被老爺神奇的修好了,我實在是.........我無言了我!

p.s.雖然說平白無故"撿"了這麼一個好康的東西,如果修不好就算了,可是畢竟是修好了,害我有一種當小偷的感覺.

The Best Trash Room Treasure Yet!! A 26 inch LCD TV!

2009-03-17T01:23:53.015-05:00

This past weekend was the best ever for trash room treasure finding! I don't think we'll be able to top this find the rest of our residency here...

The other night I was taking out the trash and inside the trash room was an empty box for a brand new 37" LCD tv. And right next to that empty box was a 26" LCD TV. Needless to say, I didn't even bother asking Ying for permission to bring it home. (After bringing that cool hat home, she made a new rule that I have to ask her before bringing anything home from the trash room).

I didn't skip a beat; I dropped my trash bag down the chute, turned around, leaned down and picked up the LCD TV with my right hand and opened the trash room door with my left hand and made my way home. Triumphant. GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT!! ME MAN. BRING HOME TV. GRUNT GRUNT!

"Stoopid! It was probably broken," you say. Well yes, it was kind of broken. The picture turned on, but within a minute, the display got all staticky and weird. So off to the Internets I go to search for, "Maxent 26 inch LCD TV fuzzy picture" and what is this I see??? ----> Maxent MX-26X3 picture problem Wow! The very same problem reported by many people about the very same TV! Figures.

But before trying the DIY method, I called Maxent to see if they would warranty the tv. I was going to just say, "I *ahem* got it as a ...uhhh... gift. Yeah, a gift!" But it turns out that the tv was manufactured back in April 2005 which means it's out of warranty anyway. A 4 year old tv going bad huh? Well according to that link above, I (nor the previous owner that threw this tv away) am not the only one with the problem. I asked their tech support how much it would cost to fix the tv with a bad heatsink... The support tech said, $90 examination fee, $150 materials for a new board (they weren't going to just fix the heatsink) and $90 labor for installing a bad board. He wanted almost $400 to fix this thing!!! Ok, time out-- YOUR company makes tvs that die in 4 years and you want someone to shell out $400 to fix it? You do realize that a new 37" TV costs about that much these days?.... What kind of company policy is this? Ok, so I got it from the trash, but what about everyone else stuck with a non working tv? I won't bother looking at Maxent the next time we go shopping for a TV.

So anyway, I took it apart myself and adjusted the heatsink and the tv is working now! If it gets loose again, I'll actually go through the trouble of re-applying some real thermal epoxy. But for now, it's working and I'm happy! (So is Ying actually, but her rule still stands -- I'm not supposed to bring back anything else from the trash room. Bah!)

Here's a picture of it turned on -- great colors!

Here is a bigger picture of it sitting on our bedroom dresser. It has replaced an old 20" tube tv that we had there.

Talk about major score! Say what you want about taking stuff home from the trash... I'm already ahead by a TV!

Ying asked me, "Why would anyone throw away a tv if it's so easy to fix?" Here are my thoughts about the person who threw it away.
1. They purposely left it right inside the door of the trash room, which meant they knew someone would take it home. Very nice of them.
2. The TV was out of warranty
3. They might not have been very handy with a screwdriver
and 4. They weren't comfortable around high voltage electronics. I think they were all valid reasons for leaving the TV in the trash room. After all, look; it ended up in a good home!

咱家的特殊才藝

2009-03-16T16:55:42.953125-05:00

警告:此文內容頗不衛生,有潔癖之人請自行退散,無顧此警告者,後果一概自負.

看了看時間,該餵粉圓了,突然間,一股屎意湧上,告訴老爺,不行,我得小出恭一下.老爺回,那你動作快點,我先幫她換尿布.ok.

五分鐘後,一切"通暢",我不忘洗手,備妥雙奶,準備當乳牛.

老爺從房裡抱著小姐走出來交給我,說,我也想大便.我笑著,又不是打哈欠,便意還會傳染喔?此時,粉圓小姐已經大口大口吸了起來.

老爺一腳踏進浴室,粉圓同一時間放了個響屁,老爺探頭問,誰?我說,你女兒.半秒後,我大叫,聞到了,粉圓的屁好臭啊!!!!老爺又從浴室探頭,緩緩說道,你剛剛留下來的餘味還在,聞起來也不差啊....

去!!!!!有屎快拉,別廢話!

老爺那廂門才一關,粉圓這廂緊跟著一陣嘩啦嘩啦聲,隔著剛換好的尿布,那股"暖意"直衝我大腿.

五分鐘後,老爺從浴室出來.我喊他,ㄟ,你女兒大便了,你要不要先幫她換?

老爺一臉驚訝的看我,接著,我們一陣大笑!十五分鐘內,一家大小連續拉屎....

咱家,還真是屎屁無間啊!!!!!

恩典牌(換照片增小文)

2009-03-16T01:05:16.156-05:00

粉圓小姐僅以一身勁裝向豚哥致敬.沒想到,"恩客"豚哥馬上就回禮了.

還是猴媽有辦法,幫我把兩張照片併在一起,看起來更富趣味.只不過,我想請問粉圓小姐,平平都是三個月(而且妳嚴格算起來根本只有兩個半月),為啥人家一臉天真無邪嬰兒樣,而你長的好像已經準備上幼稚園的樣子了?有沒有這麼老氣啊?!萬一恩客將來真的變你ㄤ,我不就得準備給你"整形美容外科"禮券之類的當嫁妝,免得站在豚旁邊看起來像他阿姨似的,能看嗎?!(是說老娘這張毒嘴,要當貓頭鷹媽媽可能還要修...)

終於拍到了

2009-03-14T18:36:04.921875-05:00

很多粉圓的粉絲抗議我這個沒良心的媽媽老是醜化她,為了表示我改過向上的決心,今天開始我要來當"貓頭鷹媽媽",獻上粉圓的近照以表誠意.這小娘最近越來越愛笑,起床就笑,喝奶會笑,洗澡會笑,生氣會哭邊笑,連大便也是笑,我這老娘也快跟著"起笑"了.

(家裡亂成一片,我還能氣定神閒地抱著粉圓跟我一起玩wii,道行之高啊!連我都忍不住讚嘆自己起來)

接下來是美人出浴照,不用18禁啦!11禁就可以了.

這麼美是像誰呢?(這樣夠"貓頭鷹"了吧!)

老爺越看越得意,竟然跟我說他覺得粉圓的眼睛好像日本少女漫畫裡那種可愛的眼睛(噁.....)

這張重點不是粉圓露點,而是她老爸在旁邊穿著四角內褲在幫她洗澡啦!(老爺說,因為沒有照到臉,所以po上來部落格沒有關係,如果同時照到臉跟四角內褲,就不能po了.???????這是哪來的邏輯???)

同場加映.扁嘴照一張.(這張照片粉圓的臉看起來好像大人喔....)

傳說中的......

2009-03-14T17:59:17.71875-05:00

以前親友相聚閒聊,很多50歲上下的長輩都會說她們年輕時很瘦,後來生一個小孩漲十公斤之類的.在我歷經過懷孕生小孩到前一陣子,我總以為有沒有這麼誇張啊?!十公斤是要哪裡來?我進醫院前一天大概是62公斤左右,一生完回到家大約56,經過兩個禮拜的消水月子餐,再量,只剩下51,做完月子出關以後再跟大伙吃吃喝喝,又胖到約52左右.老實說,這數字雖然不瘦但已經比我懷孕前少了,很多人看到我都說你恢復好快,跟懷孕前沒兩樣了.嘿嘿....真是不好意思喔,我懷孕前本來就不瘦(最誇張的時候還有直逼55大關啊),相較之下,現在你們當然不覺得我胖啊.

所以我老是懷疑這些前輩是不是誇大其詞,十公斤哪裡來啊?怎麼吃的啊?直到最近莫名其妙食量增大.........

今天中午我喝了一碗(飯碗大小)酸辣湯(料超多的),一碗豆腐味增湯,一顆花枝丸,八支蝦子,約四分一之塊鮭魚頭(那顆魚頭比粉圓的頭大),一杯新鮮柳橙汁,半顆炸紅豆糯米丸(半顆比乒乓球大一點),半顆炸鹹糯米丸,八顆美國草莓(尺寸請自行去好事多看,比台灣的大就是了)........

以上食物可不是一樣一樣慢慢吃到晚餐哦!我是在一個小時之內吃完以上全部的東西,而且還不會覺得很脹,只是小飽而已.

天啊!!!!難道這就是傳說中的無底胃?我就要變成大吃婆生一個漲十公斤了嗎???????

不要不要不要啊!!!!!!!

p.s.打網誌的同時,老爺又默默遞上了一杯柳橙汁,我笑著說,不行,我真的不能再吃了.老爺也笑著回我,沒關係,我在養豬......

老爺教中文

2009-03-12T17:16:16.703-05:00

不要說我沒警告,未滿18歲請自行退散或由監護人驅開.....

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(這個事件本來可以說是我家的隱私,無奈我嘴巴很大臉皮又很厚,很想讓大家一起笑,所以請懷著感恩的心閱讀本文)

老爺中文造詣是標準的"先天不良後天又失調"型,可是發生了以下這事,讓我開始懷疑他是不是有偷練,進步程度不容小覷啊!

粉圓小姐是全母乳寶寶.當過奶娘的人就知道,奶會塞車,就像人會便秘一樣.塞奶可不是件好玩的事情(敢問便秘舒服嗎?),有"塞"就要"通",一般程度的"通"就是找原本固定使用的客戶(寶寶)來即可.如果塞的嚴重,連寶寶都幫忙不了時,就得找另一個偶爾使用的"散戶"(對,就是另一半)來幫忙解決.解決的方法沒有其他,用力吸讓乳腺暢通就是了.(各位當過奶媽的朋友,不用害羞,我只是把大家的秘密武器說出來而已)

從寶寶出生以來,我請老爺幫忙"通"過兩次,兩次都很順利的完成任務,解決我可能發炎上醫院寶寶沒飯吃的困境.只不過第二次時出現了這樣的情形.......

我:通了嗎?通了嗎?(眼睛含著淚水猛力按結塊的地方,已經痛到不行)

老爺: (搖搖頭.很努力的繼續"通")

(過了三十秒)

老爺:吼......怎麼還不通啊...嘴巴很酸咧!你不要自己按好了,我來按.不然你怕痛,都按的不夠用力,這樣不會成功啦!

(嘴巴開開繼續吸)

我:啊!!!!!!(眼淚已經出來)好痛好痛,你輕一點啦!

(老爺為了儘快完成工作,完全不想理會我的哀叫,再過三十秒...)

老爺:嗚嗚嗚(嘴巴在忙不能說話,一直點頭還比手畫腳)....

我:ㄟ?好像通了,有點消下去了,你加油啊!!!!!(再過三十秒)

老爺:我不行了,嘴巴好酸啊!應該有通了吧.粉圓怎麼這麼厲害,每餐都能這麼用力吸.

我:(鬆一口氣)真的有通了耶!有句俚語叫做"用盡吃奶的力量",就是這個意思啊(趁機中文教學一下).老爺謝謝你啊,你真是我的救命恩人.

老爺:喔.那我也教你一句中文,叫做"有來有往"嗎?我幫你吸,那你要不要也幫我一下?(老爺一邊很曖昧的笑著,一邊指著他自己的褲檔)

我:......................................(裝傻快步離開現場)

你好樣的,老爺!好個"有來有往"啊!

真是要"起笑"了 (後續補充)

2009-03-12T01:23:52.312-05:00

我很少會轉寄信件或分享文章之類的,可是可是可是這一則.........

這是我在別人的部落格看到轉貼而來的,真的是.....太妙太妙了!!!怎麼有這群人能一本正經地唱完這首歌(連伴奏的也......),這道行也太高了吧!!!要是我是其中一個小學生,可能還沒開口我就已經笑到腦中風了.

大家一起來跟我"起笑"吧!

p.s.老爺笑完以後問我,那個老頭子還活著嗎?!.........這這這到底是真的還是有人在惡搞啊

又,我發現老爺今天晚上在跟粉圓玩耍時,竟然對他女兒唱起這首"澎恰恰",只不過老爺記不住其中幾句詞(試想我們記英文歌詞的感覺,尤其是那句"黑啷啷"),所以唱一唱偶爾會"斷訊"不然就是"跳針",好笑的程度比那個老頭子有過之而無不及,我來找機會偷偷錄下來給大家再"起笑"一次好了!

誰像誰?誰又像誰?番外篇

2009-03-09T17:29:38.796-05:00

粉圓小姐越長越大隻,一張膨臉也開始慢慢變化起來,本來以為他是100%老爺的翻版,怎料昨天無意間翻出老娘我小時候的嬰兒照,竟然神韻上也是有幾分的相似.基因這東西就是這麼有趣.

跟大家分享最近的照片

爸爸讀書給我聽,希望我變成氣質美女,不要再搞笑了.....可是.....

讀沒幾頁,我就累了,老爸,你還是放棄吧.氣質美女真的不是我的路線.

還是當猴子搞笑比較受歡迎啊!你看,你們都笑了吧.

我和我娘.我娘說,照片我有沒有可愛沒差,她有美就好.

很難拍粉圓小姐在笑的樣子.因為她得到她老爸的真傳,一笑起來就搖頭晃腦"起笑"樣,鏡頭前就是一片模糊.

我跟老爸,有像嗎?

諧星也是有憂鬱的一面.........

粉圓說:我的眼睛好大,我的脖子好短,我好像青蛙!

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我,姓"劉",名"粉圓",號"阿土仔",別稱"屎屁王",小名"劉小隻".下面介紹的這幾位,分別是我的奴才,我的粉絲,還有我後援會總幹事.

我的奴才,對!就是我娘.四個月照.(老娘曰:翻到這張照片時嚇了一跳,原來粉圓還是有一點老娘我的影子啊!)

還是我的奴才媽媽,一歲多照.也是有像啦!

這是我的妏姨姨嬰兒照.天啊!!! 也是有像到.

粉絲妏姨姨長大變這樣,美的咧!

左邊是我的奴才媽,右邊穿褲子的是阿土仔後援會總幹事大姨姨.這回,我倒不像六歲時的媽媽,反而像起四歲的阿姨.

回味這些古時候的照片,湧現了好多有趣的回憶,真是叫人懷念不已.

大家來噗噗

2009-03-04T11:09:10.687-06:00

猴媽介紹我上噗浪.這玩意兒真有趣,很適合像我這般喜歡碎唸的人,下海後猴媽叮嚀我小心在浪裡無法自拔,後來我發現猴媽是想太多了,因為我怎麼噗也只有他一個噗友,這浪.....是捲不起來的呀!!!

所以在此登高一呼,大家來噗噗!!!www.plurk.com是網址,進去註冊後再向我索取我的噗名就可以.各位喜歡碎唸的歐巴桑一起來把浪掏盡,捲起千堆雪吧!!!!

啊?啊?啊?沒人鳥我?!沒關係,那我就在自家部落格裡"示範"幾則噗文好了,好歹這裡的觀眾比較多.

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正準備噗時,聽到粉圓小姐的拉屎聲,想說趕快幫他換一換好讓我專心噗......結果,換屎中他又再拉一把,搞得我整手他整身整個"換屎台"都是屎屎屎屎屎屎!!!!!這一下來,又是人仰馬翻半個小時,他小娘現在拉完爽快睡覺去了,老娘咧?早就噗意全消,屎意倒是來了...........

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我納悶著,不知道有沒有哪條家暴專線專門讓被寶寶虐待的媽媽申訴用?這個主意不錯,生意應該也會很好.一旦通報成立,馬上就有社工員到家緊急隔離媽媽與小孩,並把媽媽緊急安置於某密所(比如說,拉斯維加斯的飯店...),讓寶寶找不到奶也鬧不到娘.

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前輩說,寶寶在睡,媽媽要跟著睡.

老爺說,粉圓睡了,你也快去睡,不要管整理家裡沒關係.

是!遵命!

可是老爺你知道嗎?我連睡覺作夢都夢到在給粉圓餵奶換尿布拍嗝,所以我的作息變成,粉圓醒-->換尿布-->餵食-->拍嗝-->陪玩-->換尿布-->逼睡--->我也趕緊跟著睡,然後作夢(粉圓醒-->換尿布-->餵食-->拍嗝-->陪玩-->換尿布-->逼睡)--->粉圓真的醒了-->換尿布-->餵食-->拍嗝-->陪玩-->換尿布-->逼睡--->我又睡,再作夢(粉圓醒-->換尿布-->餵食-->拍嗝-->陪玩-->換尿布-->逼睡)--->粉圓再醒-->換尿布-->餵食-->拍嗝-->陪玩-->換尿布-->逼睡...............

是怎樣???鬼打牆嗎?????好累喔.

老爺生氣了

2009-03-02T01:24:01.031-06:00

老爺生氣了.因為他搞不定他女兒睡覺!

關於帶寶寶這活兒,我跟老爺各有所長,他善於耍寶,會陪粉圓看圖片瞎扯蛋做運動,所以大小姐喜歡跟他玩,總是被他逗得笑呵呵,這方面我承認我真的先天不足後天又失調,與其說我逗寶寶笑,倒不如說寶寶常常自己先笑,然後逗得我也想笑.要給寶寶適當的刺激,先決條件就是對待寶寶的態度要時時"high",這對我更是難上加難,往往搞個五分鐘我就開始覺得自己在裝孝維,大概粉圓也察覺到這點,所以每次我試著跟她玩耍時,他總是愛理不理地並且還會用憐憫的眼神勸我早早放棄.

看到這裡,也不要以為我這當媽的真的一無是處,除了掏奶這個基本技能之外老娘還有一項絕活,就是安撫大小姐睡覺.小孩子想睡覺了就會變成"小恢子",這絕活中的絕活就是要"忍",忍住想掐他捏他打他罵他的衝動,把他的恢恢不當一回事,不用問他為什麼不睡,不用問他哪裡不舒服,不用問他到底要怎麼樣(問他?他能回答你嗎????只會越問火氣越大),粉圓小姐的脾氣非常妙,你越急著哄她睡(因為想早點去做自己的事情,想看書,想看影片...),他似乎可以感受到,然後他就越恢恢不睡.要是我平心靜氣輕輕拍背,也不時時刻刻看時鐘,放鬆(放空)心情,只是告訴自己如果哄到幾點前她還不睡,就直接送她上床,請她自己哄自己,通常在訂下的時間之前她就已經去找周公了.我猜寶寶還是對大人的情緒有所感受的,我們越急,她就越躁;我們越"空",她自然也會跟著"空空"啦!

繼上個禮拜天晚上老爺搞定粉圓睡覺失敗後,今晚他又不信邪要求再試一次.幹麻這麼執著?因為老爺對於粉圓安祥依偎在我懷裡睡覺這件事非常地吃醋,他說他也想要享受一下被女兒"ㄋㄞ"的感覺.這種爛差事有人搶著作,我笑都來不及,歡迎歡迎!!!

怎料,粉圓很不給面子,用嘴巴恢恢就算了,還像一條蟲在老爺懷裡鑽來鑽去(更不小心踢到他爹的小弟,哈哈哈哈哈!),眼看著老爺火氣都上來了,我趕緊進房對他說,我來吧!你去休息啦!老爺一付抵死不從的樣子回我,不要!你走開不要吵我,我一定要搞定她.過十分鐘,聽到老爺呼喚我,以為他就此放棄了,沒想到他對我說,你去拿一件你穿過的衣服來放在我肩膀上.?????挖咧!想呼攏粉圓,用阿娘的味道騙他?切!!!!!!她最好有這麼好騙,你前面少了那兩粒肉圓,一躺就見真章了啦!

本來我已經準備把秘笈拿出來跟老爺分享,教他幾招對付他女兒的方法.後來想想,算了.我們都在學習當父母,粉圓也在適應我們,讓他們父女自己去拿捏彼此的底限,培養他們專屬的默契,總有一天她一定會"ㄋㄞ"在老爺懷裡睡著的.(希望那天趕快來啊!那我就出運了.....)

(八一嘴父女檔)

(粉圓os:有這麼搞笑又"搞話"的老爸,我真是投胎投對了.)

雜唸

2009-03-01T18:03:19.781-06:00

各位朋友,

如果....................

你家有未滿一歲的寶寶;

and,你是全職媽媽;

and,除了寶寶和你自己之外你家只有一個活人(男人女人老人小人都可以...)進出家門,而且那個活人白天得出去幹活;

and,你告訴我,你家一塵不染,窗明几淨,床鋪整齊氣味芬芳,浴室潔白無暇,洗衣籃裡沒有髒衣服,洗碗槽裡沒有髒碗盤;

plus,你感覺自己時時充滿愛,你的老公還是你的情人,你的寶寶是你的天使.....

那我只能對你說,你真的是一個...........................

.......................

騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子騙子!!!!!!!

(逃!!!!hahahahahaha)